How the year is flown! I'm actually sitting down now, writing in this blog once again. The sixth post within the year. And moreover, I just found a journal here at my desk which details some "plan" I had made around this time last year, dated December 31st, 2011. Yep. The plan was to study French out of a 30 or 40 year old book (maybe older). I got so far as, perhaps, the fourth chapter. And that journal? Only one entry.
So, it's resolution time again. My track record is pretty spotty, so I'm not going all in this year. First, however, I'd like to look back at the year that has passed and how events shaped up. Moreover, I can look at my resolution list from last year, see how I scored and move on from there. I guess, really, that's the best way to go about all this resolution business, isn't it?
Alright, 2012. May I begin by saying that it was perhaps the single most difficult year of my life to date. I turned 30, responsibilities are kicking in pretty hard core... "Adult" life settles in. Now, let me immediately counter that previous statement by insisting that I did my best to make good out of bad situations. You know, be positive and stuff. I'm all about positivity, right, as other blog posts clearly suggest.
Started off the year with my folks staying with us for a month because we had not found a daycare for our son, Adam, while my wife, May (and I'll use their given names from here on in) had just started her first work term with FreeBalance, doing human resources work. A lot of people would cringe at the thought of having their folks with them for a month, but not I. In fact, it was a very enjoyable time for me, considering we don't get to see each other too often, living so far apart and all.
The daycare, nevertheless, had to be found by February. My mother made it very clear to us that although they enjoyed our company, and Adam, they weren't going to take up residence in Ottawa. So, we had to go the private daycare route which added a grand, that's $1,000, to our monthly expense budget. $50 a day. We ended up spending much more money than we had hoped.
Next big event was me getting laid off. I never really dwelt too much on the trauma of that episode because I simply didn't have the time to. My contract with the Public Health Agency of Canada came to an end and what with all of the governmental budget cuts I was once of the first to go, as a contractor. Don't worry, my severance pay was nothing more than a tiramisu and we had a 20 minute get together on the day after I left. I didn't have a pension to cash out, none of that. Fortunately, I had 'a job' to fall immediately back on with H&R Block, or an income tax preparation job, although, after doing the math, once taxes were deducted, I was actually bringing home less money than if I had of been on employment insurance only. (H&R Block doesn't exactly prepare you well for retirement...) That being said, the job with H&R Block was also bound to end with the tax filing deadline. Thus on May 1st, 2012, I joined the ranks of the unemployed (or, as I like to say, "the eminently employable!")
What was my first move, pray tell? I signed right up for EI, tried to wrassle myself into one of those second career employment program thingies, found out I was far from eligible from qualifying and was kindly instructed to 'find a job.' So, ahem, I signed up for some French classes. Which I took all summer. And it cost me pretty much everything I received from EI! So, it worked out. May was still on her co-op placement, I had the French courses and Adam was doing well in his $1,000 a month daycare. Meanwhile, our savings were being sucked clean.
Midway through the summer, May's parents showed up, which coincided, surprisingly enough, with me signing up for full time French classes for as long as I could. They stayed somewhere in the ball park of 6-9 weeks, a tad too long for my patience, but it was 'nice having them.' *imagine big grin on my face* ... seriously, imagine.
Around mid-July, Adam finally was let into a subsidized day care spot. Otherwise, we would've had to pay an extra $34 a day! That's $84 a day, but for us, it turned out we only have to pay, like, $9.00, while the province of Ontario picks up the rest of the tab. Economically speaking, it doesn't really make a lot of sense unless you're actually bringing in $84 a day to cover those expenses, or more, considering, you know, life itself; rent, food, utilities, in the case of kids, copious amounts of diapers, etc. Anyway, talking about daycare makes me testy. After two years and two months, it was finally, finally here. Subsidized daycare. Joyfulnesses all happily around.
My 30th birthday was in August. Can't really remember what I did for that, although this lack of a memory suggests that it was uneventful. May's folks were here. I probably had to sneak out somewhere...
Also in August, I went for an interview for what was to become my current job. One of the first questions I was asked was "You must have been getting a lot of interviews, eh?" to which my answer was of muffled disaccord, considering that, well, yes, that had been my only interview to date. Thank God I presented myself positively enough to get the job, which surprised even me. Anyway, they told me that they'd contact me in a week or so, and at the time, I just felt I had screwed the interview up so badly that they'd call my folks and advise them to take me back in.
Next big news story is that, well, I got the job! The call came two weeks later than I had been told, so I spent an entire week in the doldrums, or, I should say, in a pissy mood. But, out of the blue, I picked up the phone and was told to start the second week of September. Hooray! Thus my life with Cowan Insurance began. I won't bore you with any of the details of my job, other than the fact that I can listen to audio books from the moment I start work until the time I leave. And the pay is middle of the road; not enough to make monthly expenses, but much better than minimum wage.
With Adam in daycare, May went back to school in the fall as well, taking a full course load. We applied for a student loan, which, well, that's a horror story left for another time, and goes much better in actual conversation than in written form... but we were successful in getting a student loan.
I continued taking French classes and I signed up for the Residency tax course with H&R Block. That's while working, mind you. The past couple of months have been very, how you say, occupied.
I passed the tax class, completed my French courses, continued working, May & I worked together to secure her loan AND we completed this massive "Residence Questionnaire" for May's citizenship application. When I use the word MASSIVE, I want to be very emphatic that it was a MASSIVE application which took a considerable amount of time, energy, effort, running around to different places requesting ridiculously and increasingly arcane documents. Conclusion? We sent it in, and continue to wait. (The original application was sent in October 2011) I'd like to point out to all Canadians that even though the citizenship office was down the street, we were told we had to mail the documents in; a completely unnecessary $20 expense.
That done, the student loan in, May's classes done and exams written, my classes pretty much complete, we were finally able to relax for a couple of days. This is the Christmas vacation people! Yeah! Our friend Patrick came to stay with us for a bit of time. He was able to hear some big news first hand, which, well, after telling you how busy the past year has been, with all the ups and downs, I feel compelled to say that May is expecting a baby number two! And Patrick got to be there when we saw the pregnancy test read positive ;)
It's been a wild year, that's for sure. It's been a hard year for us, I won't deny. Here's to lucky 2013! I hope everyone can find fulfillment, integrity in what they do and the happiness that life affords us. May peace (and less bills) come to your homes, may love continue to reside in your hearts and may your most difficult goals be achieved.
I've written too much for one sitting, and most likely, one reading. If you're still here, you're obviously a trooper and you've got my kudos.
Monday 31 December 2012
Wednesday 29 August 2012
Unleashing the Dark Forces
Every now and then people get the urge to show their dark sides, some more than others. For some people, such as perpetual victims, it comes as second nature. For others, it could simply be a character flaw or a poor attitude, coming from a difficult upbringing or an unpleasant experience. Some people enjoy revelling in irony or pointing out inadequacies externally to build up their own tender confidences. Some people simply turn to humor, some to music, some to writing diaries, journals or poetry, some to writing blogs. Other people may even turn their dark sides on themselves, such as attempting escape through drugs and/or alcohol, or willful self-destruction. The common theme is a type of catharsis - letting it out, getting it away.
For myself, I find that I'm on the verge of unleashing my dark forces. Hey, it happens. If you follow this blog, which I'm sure you most assuredly do not, you'll notice that first, there's not a lot of entries, so you don't really have a background for my style of writing generally, and two, I'm not one that comes across as altogether positive in what little writing I do produce. I'm what could be considered as aloof. Even on the ubiquitous Facebook, I'm not an avid user, despite being an avid viewer. I type out empty witticisims here and there, post music videos or stupid pictures every now and then, like everyone else, but generally keep myself in the background. Fair enough? Sure.
The last time I unleashed my dark forces, there were problems. Yes, the last time I opened my mouth sincerely, I was burned at the stake in an orgy of obloquy and given a true sense of how the freedom of speech is, in fact, a useful fairy tale. I'm a little older and may be able to control those forces a little better nowadays, perhaps, I don't know, channel them positively, because, as it happens, for me, it's the dark forces which give me the impetus to action; the motivation to conquer; the desire for victory and glory. We need a measure of human emotion to truly strive, balanced appropriately with a reasoned and seasoned mind. Cut out the emotion, and you've essentially got a clock.
So, perhaps a torrent of true dark energy will flow soon. Otherwise, you can expect my regular goofy updates, sporadic as they are, interspersed with a dearth of wit, sprinkled with general disdain.
Love you!!!
For myself, I find that I'm on the verge of unleashing my dark forces. Hey, it happens. If you follow this blog, which I'm sure you most assuredly do not, you'll notice that first, there's not a lot of entries, so you don't really have a background for my style of writing generally, and two, I'm not one that comes across as altogether positive in what little writing I do produce. I'm what could be considered as aloof. Even on the ubiquitous Facebook, I'm not an avid user, despite being an avid viewer. I type out empty witticisims here and there, post music videos or stupid pictures every now and then, like everyone else, but generally keep myself in the background. Fair enough? Sure.
The last time I unleashed my dark forces, there were problems. Yes, the last time I opened my mouth sincerely, I was burned at the stake in an orgy of obloquy and given a true sense of how the freedom of speech is, in fact, a useful fairy tale. I'm a little older and may be able to control those forces a little better nowadays, perhaps, I don't know, channel them positively, because, as it happens, for me, it's the dark forces which give me the impetus to action; the motivation to conquer; the desire for victory and glory. We need a measure of human emotion to truly strive, balanced appropriately with a reasoned and seasoned mind. Cut out the emotion, and you've essentially got a clock.
So, perhaps a torrent of true dark energy will flow soon. Otherwise, you can expect my regular goofy updates, sporadic as they are, interspersed with a dearth of wit, sprinkled with general disdain.
Love you!!!
Tuesday 7 August 2012
The Next Step
Alright. So it seems like forever since I last updated this blog, to me, at least, considering it has only been three weeks. I look back at how naive I was those three weeks ago and how experienced and matured I have become since then.
Apparently I've gathered together an entire audience of one, who I will not name out of respect for that individual, lest she be shamed in spending her off hours so frivolously. Writing for an audience takes on an entirely new meaning for me. Suddenly I actually have to think about how to write with an audience in mind! Oh one person of my audience, I have good feelings for you!
It's true, if anyone ever had seen my former blog, that there is a tendency towards the gloom or the foolish. Once, when writing my parents a postcard from Japan, they asked me, judging strictly from what I wrote and how I wrote it, whether I could be considered clinically depressed. I was aghast! No, parents, this is just how I am. Morbidly melancholy! Appreciate! That and the recourse to absolute foolishness, such as a pre-election comparison of Stephen Harper with a store mannequin sporting a cheap toupee. (I've got some of these blog posts backed up on a hard drive somewhere, unfortunately. I promise I won't re-release them to the viewing public).
I do my very best to be light-hearted and free-spirited and nice, but sometimes, my cynicism gets the better of me, despite my inclinations and aspirations. Moreover, I fear that my words can be construed as hurtful, which is never meant to be the case, as I adore commenting freely and easily, allowing whatever is at the bottom of my mind to bubble to the surface. On top of that, one must note that my background includes growing up in Cape Breton, considered to have a howling lack of civilization by some, or to exist 10 miles beyond the end of the Earth by others. (It's a beautiful place, though, people assure me). Therefore, my words can be blithe, coming from a rustic such as myself.
There. I've gone and bored you again. I'm really trying to keep these paragraphs compact and the ideas coherent. It's no easy task, let me assure you!
A number of days ago, I inadvertently posted an article about my antipathy of cover letters, which, while reflecting some truth, was too wrapped up in my own sentiment being so sorely exposed to the task on a daily basis. I normally try to avoid these types of articles, but when writing to so select an audience, and often for my own amusement only, I tend to reveal some personality best kept to myself.
In future posts, I welcome subject recommendations. Alas, since I'm unemployed, any 'work,' no matter how trivial and unpaid, would give me a feeling of serene satisfaction, that is, other than writing another cover letter destined for the abyss. So, audience of one, if you're here still, reading this, the challenge is set! (Or the request is made...) Leave a topic of your interest in the comment sections and I will use the supreme power of my intellect to elucidate on the subject, even if it is to merely reveal my ignorance or utter ineptitude.
P.S. - I found an essay on Canadian tax reform which I would love to share a couple of months back. The idea mirrored what I had thought myself, and to save time, it's easier to have someone else write something on one's own behalf. It always feels nice to have someone else share one's own opinion.
Apparently I've gathered together an entire audience of one, who I will not name out of respect for that individual, lest she be shamed in spending her off hours so frivolously. Writing for an audience takes on an entirely new meaning for me. Suddenly I actually have to think about how to write with an audience in mind! Oh one person of my audience, I have good feelings for you!
It's true, if anyone ever had seen my former blog, that there is a tendency towards the gloom or the foolish. Once, when writing my parents a postcard from Japan, they asked me, judging strictly from what I wrote and how I wrote it, whether I could be considered clinically depressed. I was aghast! No, parents, this is just how I am. Morbidly melancholy! Appreciate! That and the recourse to absolute foolishness, such as a pre-election comparison of Stephen Harper with a store mannequin sporting a cheap toupee. (I've got some of these blog posts backed up on a hard drive somewhere, unfortunately. I promise I won't re-release them to the viewing public).
I do my very best to be light-hearted and free-spirited and nice, but sometimes, my cynicism gets the better of me, despite my inclinations and aspirations. Moreover, I fear that my words can be construed as hurtful, which is never meant to be the case, as I adore commenting freely and easily, allowing whatever is at the bottom of my mind to bubble to the surface. On top of that, one must note that my background includes growing up in Cape Breton, considered to have a howling lack of civilization by some, or to exist 10 miles beyond the end of the Earth by others. (It's a beautiful place, though, people assure me). Therefore, my words can be blithe, coming from a rustic such as myself.
There. I've gone and bored you again. I'm really trying to keep these paragraphs compact and the ideas coherent. It's no easy task, let me assure you!
A number of days ago, I inadvertently posted an article about my antipathy of cover letters, which, while reflecting some truth, was too wrapped up in my own sentiment being so sorely exposed to the task on a daily basis. I normally try to avoid these types of articles, but when writing to so select an audience, and often for my own amusement only, I tend to reveal some personality best kept to myself.
In future posts, I welcome subject recommendations. Alas, since I'm unemployed, any 'work,' no matter how trivial and unpaid, would give me a feeling of serene satisfaction, that is, other than writing another cover letter destined for the abyss. So, audience of one, if you're here still, reading this, the challenge is set! (Or the request is made...) Leave a topic of your interest in the comment sections and I will use the supreme power of my intellect to elucidate on the subject, even if it is to merely reveal my ignorance or utter ineptitude.
P.S. - I found an essay on Canadian tax reform which I would love to share a couple of months back. The idea mirrored what I had thought myself, and to save time, it's easier to have someone else write something on one's own behalf. It always feels nice to have someone else share one's own opinion.
Tuesday 17 July 2012
Je suis au chômage!
It has been an incredible six months since I broke that New Year's resolution of writing more. Moreover, it's been four and half months since I left gainful employment and two and a half months since I've had a job. (Note the difference between being gainfully employed and having a job; $12.00 an hour is not enough to live on and retain any sense of human dignity). Most people in my situation would have probably been able to secure an interview or two by now, but, alas, not me! My inherent aversion to cover letters prevents me from actually getting any call backs or attracting any serious attention to my job applications.
One major accomplishment, well, major, minor, use whatever adjective you'd like, is that I was able to pass a French exam. That exam is the Diplôme d'études en langue française and I scored 85/100 on the A2 level. While some may say 'congratulations,' etc., I must respond that it was nothing much to, ahem, write home about. Taken from the DELF website, here is a description of what the A2 category means:
"DELF A2 is based on the same principle [as DELF A1]: it recognises the linguistic competency of a basic user, considered as a social actor. The candidate can communicate in simple and routine tasks requiring the most common polite phrases and exchanges of information." (http://www.ciep.fr/en/delfdalf/DELF.php)
Once you check the differences in level, you'll see why I don't consider this to be a big thing. Why am I writing about it? Good question (posed to myself). At the end of the day, passing the test merely allows me to see within myself the ability to push myself to accomplish something of, be it limited, merit, like, stepping towards a future goal in a modest, but serious, fashion. While it's certainly plausible had I signed up for a higher level examination, say B1, I may have passed, considering the pass scores, which leads me to place the authenticity of the exam itself in doubt, I felt aiming too high may have been overstepping my actual ability. That and I wasn't entirely aware of the grading system and distinctions between levels upon signing up. And there was a $60 difference in registration price.
Studying French these past couple of months could, in effect, change my status as unemployed to that of a student, but I must stress that being a student is not my prime motivation at this point in my life. Not to dismiss all the merits of being a student, mind you, but I need a job to support my family! The French language is an integral ability to have in the job market in which I find myself placed. Moreover, to pursue future ambitions (in Canada), I cannot deny that French is essential. In some ways this is unfortunate, because studying a fourth language is incredibly mentally taxing and leads to further confusion when trying to speak in any of the target languages. Moreover, it lessens the investments of time, money and effort I've put in to studying Japanese & Chinese, in effect, placing French as above these two very important world languages. (Canada is pushing for a Free Trade Agreement with Japan and, well, who doesn't know about China's economic rise?) However, French is essential in dealings with the Chinese and Japanese peoples - please excuse this sudden outburst of cynicism, I mean no disrespect from it.
Indeed, after studying French, I certainly have a new respect for the language. But, as is true with every language one learns, I begin to feel a pull towards French culture, history, philosophy, etc. With each language one learns, one is, fundamentally, creating a new mind or personality within oneself to acclimatize to the new mode of thinking. This is true in my case, anyway. I cannot learn a new language without taking something deeper away from the experience. In French, I find methods of expression far superior to that of English, or the other two Asian languages I'm familiar with. I cannot say I wield the weapons of French language very proficiently, but as I learn more and more, I come to increasingly love it. After all, I am half French. It's like awakening some genetic memory, repressed by the dominant English language mind inside me. I'll end this ramble on that note. I've decided to continue with my studies of the French language. I might get in another month of full time studies this month after which I hope to continue part time while I, ideally, work.
Perhaps I'll write another entry in here within the next six months. I surely have enough time for it. Perhaps I'll have an actual meaningful purpose as well. And who knows? Maybe I'll actually revise my work before posting it instead of, what I tend to do, roll out the words as a continuous stream of thought. Surely, oh audience of none, you've come to expect more from your dear author! ;p
One major accomplishment, well, major, minor, use whatever adjective you'd like, is that I was able to pass a French exam. That exam is the Diplôme d'études en langue française and I scored 85/100 on the A2 level. While some may say 'congratulations,' etc., I must respond that it was nothing much to, ahem, write home about. Taken from the DELF website, here is a description of what the A2 category means:
"DELF A2 is based on the same principle [as DELF A1]: it recognises the linguistic competency of a basic user, considered as a social actor. The candidate can communicate in simple and routine tasks requiring the most common polite phrases and exchanges of information." (http://www.ciep.fr/en/delfdalf/DELF.php)
Once you check the differences in level, you'll see why I don't consider this to be a big thing. Why am I writing about it? Good question (posed to myself). At the end of the day, passing the test merely allows me to see within myself the ability to push myself to accomplish something of, be it limited, merit, like, stepping towards a future goal in a modest, but serious, fashion. While it's certainly plausible had I signed up for a higher level examination, say B1, I may have passed, considering the pass scores, which leads me to place the authenticity of the exam itself in doubt, I felt aiming too high may have been overstepping my actual ability. That and I wasn't entirely aware of the grading system and distinctions between levels upon signing up. And there was a $60 difference in registration price.
Studying French these past couple of months could, in effect, change my status as unemployed to that of a student, but I must stress that being a student is not my prime motivation at this point in my life. Not to dismiss all the merits of being a student, mind you, but I need a job to support my family! The French language is an integral ability to have in the job market in which I find myself placed. Moreover, to pursue future ambitions (in Canada), I cannot deny that French is essential. In some ways this is unfortunate, because studying a fourth language is incredibly mentally taxing and leads to further confusion when trying to speak in any of the target languages. Moreover, it lessens the investments of time, money and effort I've put in to studying Japanese & Chinese, in effect, placing French as above these two very important world languages. (Canada is pushing for a Free Trade Agreement with Japan and, well, who doesn't know about China's economic rise?) However, French is essential in dealings with the Chinese and Japanese peoples - please excuse this sudden outburst of cynicism, I mean no disrespect from it.
Indeed, after studying French, I certainly have a new respect for the language. But, as is true with every language one learns, I begin to feel a pull towards French culture, history, philosophy, etc. With each language one learns, one is, fundamentally, creating a new mind or personality within oneself to acclimatize to the new mode of thinking. This is true in my case, anyway. I cannot learn a new language without taking something deeper away from the experience. In French, I find methods of expression far superior to that of English, or the other two Asian languages I'm familiar with. I cannot say I wield the weapons of French language very proficiently, but as I learn more and more, I come to increasingly love it. After all, I am half French. It's like awakening some genetic memory, repressed by the dominant English language mind inside me. I'll end this ramble on that note. I've decided to continue with my studies of the French language. I might get in another month of full time studies this month after which I hope to continue part time while I, ideally, work.
Perhaps I'll write another entry in here within the next six months. I surely have enough time for it. Perhaps I'll have an actual meaningful purpose as well. And who knows? Maybe I'll actually revise my work before posting it instead of, what I tend to do, roll out the words as a continuous stream of thought. Surely, oh audience of none, you've come to expect more from your dear author! ;p
Sunday 8 January 2012
Introduction to Google+
Google+... I read a joke somewhere that if you don’t want people to see whatever it is you’re posting, this is the best place for it. This “document” may show just how clear that is to me, although I have a number of family members who use this site. (Doubtless anyone will take the time to read it, however)
I start typing here because MSN deleted my blog over the summer and now I feel naked without it. I used to keep this blog for the sole purpose of self-expression, not because I wanted people to read it or care about it, but because I wanted to view it myself at a later date and re-think things. Or I just wanted to spend some time writing in an easily-accessible forum about some random foolishness meant to entertain myself and my audience of... perhaps two or three. Comments were welcomed, but few and far between... which is OK by me. My writing skills have most certainly atrophied over the past few years anyway, so I warn you, you’re not entering a gold mine by any means!
Hence, I arrive here at Google+. No one will know I’m here... ;)
I’ll try not to be cynical from here on.
This site will be my cave from humanity and it’ll be where I try to hash out my mind, re-evaluate my life, set meaningful goals and work towards them. Certainly not of interest to anyone else other than myself, and perhaps family members or (very) close friends. If you’re still reading this, you’re obviously not taking the hint that I’d prefer you spend your time reading something else. I am passively trying to bore you away from this post. And this blog. Altogether. It’s unfortunate that I will only be able to do this on my first post because future posts will be more... I don’t know. Meaningful? Detailed? Oriented towards some sort of subject? Anyway, if you’re still here, enjoy the meat of this post.
Some goals to set over the next year, 2012.
The past number of years I’ve grown, what I can only describe as, lazy. Time spent on studies has decreased. “Going out” is a thing I don’t really do anymore. Time seems to fly by without anything being accomplished or produced by me. Certain skills and talents I imagine I have or had seem to be receding into the mists. This all came suddenly to me when my wife said “You don’t seem like Mark Crosby anymore.” There’s an existential statement for you. When you don’t seem like yourself anymore, something is indubitably amiss. And the thing is, she had a point. I don’t even feel like myself anymore. And this begs the real question - what have I become? And what was I to begin with?
Quick answers spring to mind - now, I’m lazy. Understandably, mind you, with all the responsibilities before me, and with all the real-life concerns I’m faced with. But my time isn’t being prioritized well and I’m being lazy about it. Lazy. Think of some synonyms and throw them in here. I used to be not lazy. But I also used to be an alcoholic as well. I used to do things, study things, think about things and judge things. I used to do stuff. Now, I feel I don’t do enough. Even with the concerns and responsibilities of being a parent and a breadwinner for the family as well as my two jobs, beset with worries about impending financial doom, I still have an overwhelming sensation that I’m not accomplishing enough! Sure, I work 37.5 hours a week like everyone else; I commute to and from work each day, which now is only an extra 5 hours a week. I read, I watch documentaries, I read to my son for about an hour a day. I study tax law for my second job, which is seasonal, but requires a further commitment throughout the autumn months. I struggle with my weight. I worry about what I eat (or don’t eat). I have my coffee each day and apply for other jobs (which takes far too much effort, with prospects few and far between). In some ways, my time is filled up and I’m always chasing what increasingly seems to be the elusive ‘rest period.’ But, alas, I seem to binge on sleep, greedily hanging on to every minute. I go to bed early, to wake up early, but I always sleep in just a few more minutes... Wasted time, sleep. (Why do I even think that?!?) Anyway, what I imagine I’m most concerned about here is that I’m not achieving any personal goals, and this is due to a lack of self-awareness, self-discipline, structure and effective use of time. Over the coming year, my hope to is make more effective use of time, set structures to meet my goals, pay more attention to myself (I’m not a narcissist, but everyone should be aware enough to make something positive of themselves) and work towards what could be described as a more meaningful existence.
So, with no further ado, here is a simple list of things to work on in the coming year. This includes things that have been foaming in my mind, but I haven’t worked on yet. Also, some things on this list may be things I’m already committed to, or some things I’m already doing.
All that being said, the most important aspect is good quality time with my family and maintaining a healthy and balanced relationship with my wife, and being a loving, supportive husband to her, as well as a loving and supportive father to our son. Although there are some points listed above involving Adam, it’s only because they are things I want to continue. In fact, these are habits that have formed which I do not want to break. Spending ‘time’ with Adam, however unstructured, is also vital to his healthy development. This is true for May as well! I love my family in ways that my limited vocabulary cannot express. They are an integral part of my existence and the most important aspect of my life. These feelings are common to families the world round, I’m sure. I would like to keep my family bond strong, but also pursue personal (individual) development.
Also, not mentioned in the list above are all the household chores I do, such as grocery-shopping, laundry, ironing, dishes, etc. While it’s important to share these responsibilities with May, I do not include them as part of my list, although I will continue to do what I can. There is something further I’d like to say about household chores, however. In some ways, forcing yourself to pay attention to them promotes self-discipline and, in some ways, self-respect. They are small accomplishments you can meet throughout the day. That being said, I admit that I do tend to groan whenever faced with a household chore. I recently sorted and organized all my financial papers, which was a big yawn, but now that it’s done, I feel a sense of satisfaction knowing that they’re in order whereas before it was just a pile of unopened envelopes in the cupboard.
Lastly, I didn’t include my current job, as the contract is up at the beginning of February. There’s not much more I can do in the next month to re-order my job, although I wish I had more gumption to make things happen here. I’ll continue on my regular efforts here.
That is all. (for now)
I start typing here because MSN deleted my blog over the summer and now I feel naked without it. I used to keep this blog for the sole purpose of self-expression, not because I wanted people to read it or care about it, but because I wanted to view it myself at a later date and re-think things. Or I just wanted to spend some time writing in an easily-accessible forum about some random foolishness meant to entertain myself and my audience of... perhaps two or three. Comments were welcomed, but few and far between... which is OK by me. My writing skills have most certainly atrophied over the past few years anyway, so I warn you, you’re not entering a gold mine by any means!
Hence, I arrive here at Google+. No one will know I’m here... ;)
I’ll try not to be cynical from here on.
This site will be my cave from humanity and it’ll be where I try to hash out my mind, re-evaluate my life, set meaningful goals and work towards them. Certainly not of interest to anyone else other than myself, and perhaps family members or (very) close friends. If you’re still reading this, you’re obviously not taking the hint that I’d prefer you spend your time reading something else. I am passively trying to bore you away from this post. And this blog. Altogether. It’s unfortunate that I will only be able to do this on my first post because future posts will be more... I don’t know. Meaningful? Detailed? Oriented towards some sort of subject? Anyway, if you’re still here, enjoy the meat of this post.
Some goals to set over the next year, 2012.
The past number of years I’ve grown, what I can only describe as, lazy. Time spent on studies has decreased. “Going out” is a thing I don’t really do anymore. Time seems to fly by without anything being accomplished or produced by me. Certain skills and talents I imagine I have or had seem to be receding into the mists. This all came suddenly to me when my wife said “You don’t seem like Mark Crosby anymore.” There’s an existential statement for you. When you don’t seem like yourself anymore, something is indubitably amiss. And the thing is, she had a point. I don’t even feel like myself anymore. And this begs the real question - what have I become? And what was I to begin with?
Quick answers spring to mind - now, I’m lazy. Understandably, mind you, with all the responsibilities before me, and with all the real-life concerns I’m faced with. But my time isn’t being prioritized well and I’m being lazy about it. Lazy. Think of some synonyms and throw them in here. I used to be not lazy. But I also used to be an alcoholic as well. I used to do things, study things, think about things and judge things. I used to do stuff. Now, I feel I don’t do enough. Even with the concerns and responsibilities of being a parent and a breadwinner for the family as well as my two jobs, beset with worries about impending financial doom, I still have an overwhelming sensation that I’m not accomplishing enough! Sure, I work 37.5 hours a week like everyone else; I commute to and from work each day, which now is only an extra 5 hours a week. I read, I watch documentaries, I read to my son for about an hour a day. I study tax law for my second job, which is seasonal, but requires a further commitment throughout the autumn months. I struggle with my weight. I worry about what I eat (or don’t eat). I have my coffee each day and apply for other jobs (which takes far too much effort, with prospects few and far between). In some ways, my time is filled up and I’m always chasing what increasingly seems to be the elusive ‘rest period.’ But, alas, I seem to binge on sleep, greedily hanging on to every minute. I go to bed early, to wake up early, but I always sleep in just a few more minutes... Wasted time, sleep. (Why do I even think that?!?) Anyway, what I imagine I’m most concerned about here is that I’m not achieving any personal goals, and this is due to a lack of self-awareness, self-discipline, structure and effective use of time. Over the coming year, my hope to is make more effective use of time, set structures to meet my goals, pay more attention to myself (I’m not a narcissist, but everyone should be aware enough to make something positive of themselves) and work towards what could be described as a more meaningful existence.
So, with no further ado, here is a simple list of things to work on in the coming year. This includes things that have been foaming in my mind, but I haven’t worked on yet. Also, some things on this list may be things I’m already committed to, or some things I’m already doing.
- Find a suitable* job.
- resume building
- get used to writing cover letters
- networking (probably not going to do this)
- keep a tracking system of where I applied, who I contacted, last date of contact, follow-up required, reply message received, etc.
*suitable is defined as one that only requires 37.5 hours a week, doesn’t require too much overtime and has a reasonable enough pay so that I can keep up with financial commitments, like rent, food, student loan, etc. Ideally, it would be some sort of job where I can do challenging and meaningful work, but not wholly necessary.
- Work term w/ H&R Block - this’ll last for roughly three months from February to the end of April. I’ve got about five classes in January in preparation.
- Study French - and this needs to be scheduled very tightly, because otherwise, I work hard to ignore my resources.
- make a study plan with available resources
- work on creating flash cards
- weekly goals and status reports (to myself, naturally)
- find some way to self-test (CSPS website??)
- Continue reading to Adam
- The Story of Civilization by Will & Ariel Durant
- Eyewitness Books published by DK (Dorian Kingsley, I think)
- National Geographic articles
- requires updates to journal
- Write more - hence the “blog,” although I’m not completely sure that a document on Google+ constitutes a blog. This is both serious and diversionary work.
- income tax proposal
- apathy party satire
- Nuavente!
- Star Trek parody series (yes, I am one of those)
- ideas on education, particularly adult education
- future tests and work books for Adam on Chinese, Japanese, whatever
- Books (how I love you!)
- read when possible
- track each book using my nifty template (ugh... yes, yes, I know what you’re thinking...)
- create a weekly book review video to be posted to … somewhere online, even though I’m not interested in developing a following at all... seems contradictory, but I’ll hash that out later.
- stop buying them (this is very, very difficult for me)
- Attend church more. Christmas is not enough for the year. I’m a skeptic at heart, but I’m also a believer in God. Try to resolve that for yourself. Church helps me think.
- Continue swimming lessons with Adam. (This seems like a chore some weekends, but I value it highly nevertheless)
- I’d like to become more involved with the civic community. I find this incredibly difficult, however. I’d also like to explore educational opportunities.
- Quit smoking! - for health, but this requires constant vigilance. The temptation to smoke is very difficult to bear without giving in. It’s truly the supreme test of willpower, which I am continuously failing at.
- Keep finances in order - this involves reducing spending on frivolous items, reducing any other expenditures. Right now, I can honestly assert that I’m in a good financial position, but it could deteriorate very quickly depending on my employment situation. Ideally, I’ll be able to either pay off or drastically reduce my Federal student loan this year. Also, I’ll keep up with savings plans already systematized.
All that being said, the most important aspect is good quality time with my family and maintaining a healthy and balanced relationship with my wife, and being a loving, supportive husband to her, as well as a loving and supportive father to our son. Although there are some points listed above involving Adam, it’s only because they are things I want to continue. In fact, these are habits that have formed which I do not want to break. Spending ‘time’ with Adam, however unstructured, is also vital to his healthy development. This is true for May as well! I love my family in ways that my limited vocabulary cannot express. They are an integral part of my existence and the most important aspect of my life. These feelings are common to families the world round, I’m sure. I would like to keep my family bond strong, but also pursue personal (individual) development.
Also, not mentioned in the list above are all the household chores I do, such as grocery-shopping, laundry, ironing, dishes, etc. While it’s important to share these responsibilities with May, I do not include them as part of my list, although I will continue to do what I can. There is something further I’d like to say about household chores, however. In some ways, forcing yourself to pay attention to them promotes self-discipline and, in some ways, self-respect. They are small accomplishments you can meet throughout the day. That being said, I admit that I do tend to groan whenever faced with a household chore. I recently sorted and organized all my financial papers, which was a big yawn, but now that it’s done, I feel a sense of satisfaction knowing that they’re in order whereas before it was just a pile of unopened envelopes in the cupboard.
Lastly, I didn’t include my current job, as the contract is up at the beginning of February. There’s not much more I can do in the next month to re-order my job, although I wish I had more gumption to make things happen here. I’ll continue on my regular efforts here.
That is all. (for now)
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