I start typing here because MSN deleted my blog over the summer and now I feel naked without it. I used to keep this blog for the sole purpose of self-expression, not because I wanted people to read it or care about it, but because I wanted to view it myself at a later date and re-think things. Or I just wanted to spend some time writing in an easily-accessible forum about some random foolishness meant to entertain myself and my audience of... perhaps two or three. Comments were welcomed, but few and far between... which is OK by me. My writing skills have most certainly atrophied over the past few years anyway, so I warn you, you’re not entering a gold mine by any means!
Hence, I arrive here at Google+. No one will know I’m here... ;)
I’ll try not to be cynical from here on.
This site will be my cave from humanity and it’ll be where I try to hash out my mind, re-evaluate my life, set meaningful goals and work towards them. Certainly not of interest to anyone else other than myself, and perhaps family members or (very) close friends. If you’re still reading this, you’re obviously not taking the hint that I’d prefer you spend your time reading something else. I am passively trying to bore you away from this post. And this blog. Altogether. It’s unfortunate that I will only be able to do this on my first post because future posts will be more... I don’t know. Meaningful? Detailed? Oriented towards some sort of subject? Anyway, if you’re still here, enjoy the meat of this post.
Some goals to set over the next year, 2012.
The past number of years I’ve grown, what I can only describe as, lazy. Time spent on studies has decreased. “Going out” is a thing I don’t really do anymore. Time seems to fly by without anything being accomplished or produced by me. Certain skills and talents I imagine I have or had seem to be receding into the mists. This all came suddenly to me when my wife said “You don’t seem like Mark Crosby anymore.” There’s an existential statement for you. When you don’t seem like yourself anymore, something is indubitably amiss. And the thing is, she had a point. I don’t even feel like myself anymore. And this begs the real question - what have I become? And what was I to begin with?
Quick answers spring to mind - now, I’m lazy. Understandably, mind you, with all the responsibilities before me, and with all the real-life concerns I’m faced with. But my time isn’t being prioritized well and I’m being lazy about it. Lazy. Think of some synonyms and throw them in here. I used to be not lazy. But I also used to be an alcoholic as well. I used to do things, study things, think about things and judge things. I used to do stuff. Now, I feel I don’t do enough. Even with the concerns and responsibilities of being a parent and a breadwinner for the family as well as my two jobs, beset with worries about impending financial doom, I still have an overwhelming sensation that I’m not accomplishing enough! Sure, I work 37.5 hours a week like everyone else; I commute to and from work each day, which now is only an extra 5 hours a week. I read, I watch documentaries, I read to my son for about an hour a day. I study tax law for my second job, which is seasonal, but requires a further commitment throughout the autumn months. I struggle with my weight. I worry about what I eat (or don’t eat). I have my coffee each day and apply for other jobs (which takes far too much effort, with prospects few and far between). In some ways, my time is filled up and I’m always chasing what increasingly seems to be the elusive ‘rest period.’ But, alas, I seem to binge on sleep, greedily hanging on to every minute. I go to bed early, to wake up early, but I always sleep in just a few more minutes... Wasted time, sleep. (Why do I even think that?!?) Anyway, what I imagine I’m most concerned about here is that I’m not achieving any personal goals, and this is due to a lack of self-awareness, self-discipline, structure and effective use of time. Over the coming year, my hope to is make more effective use of time, set structures to meet my goals, pay more attention to myself (I’m not a narcissist, but everyone should be aware enough to make something positive of themselves) and work towards what could be described as a more meaningful existence.
So, with no further ado, here is a simple list of things to work on in the coming year. This includes things that have been foaming in my mind, but I haven’t worked on yet. Also, some things on this list may be things I’m already committed to, or some things I’m already doing.
- Find a suitable* job.
- resume building
- get used to writing cover letters
- networking (probably not going to do this)
- keep a tracking system of where I applied, who I contacted, last date of contact, follow-up required, reply message received, etc.
*suitable is defined as one that only requires 37.5 hours a week, doesn’t require too much overtime and has a reasonable enough pay so that I can keep up with financial commitments, like rent, food, student loan, etc. Ideally, it would be some sort of job where I can do challenging and meaningful work, but not wholly necessary.
- Work term w/ H&R Block - this’ll last for roughly three months from February to the end of April. I’ve got about five classes in January in preparation.
- Study French - and this needs to be scheduled very tightly, because otherwise, I work hard to ignore my resources.
- make a study plan with available resources
- work on creating flash cards
- weekly goals and status reports (to myself, naturally)
- find some way to self-test (CSPS website??)
- Continue reading to Adam
- The Story of Civilization by Will & Ariel Durant
- Eyewitness Books published by DK (Dorian Kingsley, I think)
- National Geographic articles
- requires updates to journal
- Write more - hence the “blog,” although I’m not completely sure that a document on Google+ constitutes a blog. This is both serious and diversionary work.
- income tax proposal
- apathy party satire
- Nuavente!
- Star Trek parody series (yes, I am one of those)
- ideas on education, particularly adult education
- future tests and work books for Adam on Chinese, Japanese, whatever
- Books (how I love you!)
- read when possible
- track each book using my nifty template (ugh... yes, yes, I know what you’re thinking...)
- create a weekly book review video to be posted to … somewhere online, even though I’m not interested in developing a following at all... seems contradictory, but I’ll hash that out later.
- stop buying them (this is very, very difficult for me)
- Attend church more. Christmas is not enough for the year. I’m a skeptic at heart, but I’m also a believer in God. Try to resolve that for yourself. Church helps me think.
- Continue swimming lessons with Adam. (This seems like a chore some weekends, but I value it highly nevertheless)
- I’d like to become more involved with the civic community. I find this incredibly difficult, however. I’d also like to explore educational opportunities.
- Quit smoking! - for health, but this requires constant vigilance. The temptation to smoke is very difficult to bear without giving in. It’s truly the supreme test of willpower, which I am continuously failing at.
- Keep finances in order - this involves reducing spending on frivolous items, reducing any other expenditures. Right now, I can honestly assert that I’m in a good financial position, but it could deteriorate very quickly depending on my employment situation. Ideally, I’ll be able to either pay off or drastically reduce my Federal student loan this year. Also, I’ll keep up with savings plans already systematized.
All that being said, the most important aspect is good quality time with my family and maintaining a healthy and balanced relationship with my wife, and being a loving, supportive husband to her, as well as a loving and supportive father to our son. Although there are some points listed above involving Adam, it’s only because they are things I want to continue. In fact, these are habits that have formed which I do not want to break. Spending ‘time’ with Adam, however unstructured, is also vital to his healthy development. This is true for May as well! I love my family in ways that my limited vocabulary cannot express. They are an integral part of my existence and the most important aspect of my life. These feelings are common to families the world round, I’m sure. I would like to keep my family bond strong, but also pursue personal (individual) development.
Also, not mentioned in the list above are all the household chores I do, such as grocery-shopping, laundry, ironing, dishes, etc. While it’s important to share these responsibilities with May, I do not include them as part of my list, although I will continue to do what I can. There is something further I’d like to say about household chores, however. In some ways, forcing yourself to pay attention to them promotes self-discipline and, in some ways, self-respect. They are small accomplishments you can meet throughout the day. That being said, I admit that I do tend to groan whenever faced with a household chore. I recently sorted and organized all my financial papers, which was a big yawn, but now that it’s done, I feel a sense of satisfaction knowing that they’re in order whereas before it was just a pile of unopened envelopes in the cupboard.
Lastly, I didn’t include my current job, as the contract is up at the beginning of February. There’s not much more I can do in the next month to re-order my job, although I wish I had more gumption to make things happen here. I’ll continue on my regular efforts here.
That is all. (for now)
